After years of watching Oprah, it turns out I don’t need the day time diva to recognize my own “Aha! moments.”
Last week I participated in a discussion about the examined life with fellow Plymouth Congregational peeps. (Side note: this group meets at 5:30 p.m. every Thursday at Henry’s in Lawrence. Rumor has it that we’ll be discussing feminism and sexuality this week. You should check it out.)
Back to my Aha! moment. The benefits of a self examined life are numerous. When you are aware of your self, your environment, your choices, you are able to transition from a life of chance and circumstance to one of intentionality and meaning. Being conscious of your goals and decisions, what a beautiful concept.
But what if your mind refuses to stop at healthy examination and enters into the realm of absurd obsession? Unfortunately, I seem to know this realm all to well.
When I have a disagreement with a friend, or receive a rejection e-mail from a potential employer, or burn dinner, my mind races with thoughts of why, oh why, these tragedies had to happen.
I obsess and obsess until I come to the conclusion that, my friend hates me and has realized the true extent of neuroticism; I’m completely unemployable and most of the things I’ve written in the past are likely a gibberish only I can read; and my husband’s weight loss is due more to my bad cooking rather than my healthy menu choices. I obsess until I see myself as the most unlikeable person on the planet. Well, maybe not the most unlikeable. Even in my most obsessive state I still like myself more than Chris Brown.
So, how do I find a balance between this healthy Socratic examination and the obsessive thought patterns that so often hold me captive?
I found the answer during yoga Sunday night. I was meditating a twist position, which apparently is detoxifying. As I focused on detoxifying my mind from these negative thought patterns, I heard a distinct phrase in my mind.
“Admit defeat,” my inner voice said.
Admit defeat? That has got to be the most uninspirational words of inspiration I’ve ever heard. Come on, God, give me something to work with, I thought.
As I thought, or rather “examined,” these words I realized what they meant. I needed to call a cease fire with my mind, because these obsessions are really the opposite an examined life and I will never beat them. The solution is to simply walk away from them.
I don’t have to be controlled by my obsessive thoughts, because when I examine my life I realize that those thoughts are not true. Aha! I don’t have to be obsessive any more. But for the sake of creativity it looks like my neuroticism is here to stay.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Giving up life's distractions
I love the liturgical calender. And out of all of the seasons, the season of Lent is probably my favorite.
I love the prescribed time for reflection and the celebration of new life with Easter at the end of Lent.
To some people Lenten sacrifices might seem like a dogmatic, meaningless tradition. But for me giving up something, or changing my routine, between Ash Wednesday and Easter, frees me to contemplate and focus on things that matter.
Each year when I think about what to give up for lent, I think of the things that captivate my mind and distract me the most.
Here are the top five distractions in my life this year. I haven’t decided which ones I will attempt to give up yet, but I hope to have made a choice by the time I post this blog.
1. Facebook. I have given this up in past years, but became dependent on Facebook again as soon as logged back in. Facebook seems to be the ultimate time suck for me. Now that I work from home it’s even worse.
2. Comfort food. When I am stressed, bored, lonely, or mad I turn to food. For obvious reasons cutting sweets would be a good option.
3. Television. I have become seriously addicted to television over the past two years. (I am actually watching Smash as I write this.) I blame my husband for this new vice. I didn’t even have cable before we moved in together.
4. Shopping, especially online shopping. If Facebook is my number one time suck online, Ebay, Amazon and Groupon are tied for second. I mean I really can’t start my day without reading through all the Groupon getaways. You just never know when one of them might meet my vacation needs.
5. Celebrity gossip. I am embarrassed at the amount of celebrity gossip that enters my mind on a daily basis. From Good Morning America’s pop news, to the talking points on The View, I just can’t seem to get away from juicy celebrity news. That is unless I actually tried.
I have a lot choose from,when it comes to giving up the distractions in my life. I look forward to this season of reflection, simplicity, and centering. Happy Ash Wednesday.
I love the prescribed time for reflection and the celebration of new life with Easter at the end of Lent.
To some people Lenten sacrifices might seem like a dogmatic, meaningless tradition. But for me giving up something, or changing my routine, between Ash Wednesday and Easter, frees me to contemplate and focus on things that matter.
Each year when I think about what to give up for lent, I think of the things that captivate my mind and distract me the most.
Here are the top five distractions in my life this year. I haven’t decided which ones I will attempt to give up yet, but I hope to have made a choice by the time I post this blog.
1. Facebook. I have given this up in past years, but became dependent on Facebook again as soon as logged back in. Facebook seems to be the ultimate time suck for me. Now that I work from home it’s even worse.
2. Comfort food. When I am stressed, bored, lonely, or mad I turn to food. For obvious reasons cutting sweets would be a good option.
3. Television. I have become seriously addicted to television over the past two years. (I am actually watching Smash as I write this.) I blame my husband for this new vice. I didn’t even have cable before we moved in together.
4. Shopping, especially online shopping. If Facebook is my number one time suck online, Ebay, Amazon and Groupon are tied for second. I mean I really can’t start my day without reading through all the Groupon getaways. You just never know when one of them might meet my vacation needs.
5. Celebrity gossip. I am embarrassed at the amount of celebrity gossip that enters my mind on a daily basis. From Good Morning America’s pop news, to the talking points on The View, I just can’t seem to get away from juicy celebrity news. That is unless I actually tried.
I have a lot choose from,when it comes to giving up the distractions in my life. I look forward to this season of reflection, simplicity, and centering. Happy Ash Wednesday.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Five books that will change your life
One of the best things about my transition from my full-time job as editor to the life of a freelance writer is that I have so much more time to read for pleasure.
Books are the reason I wanted to become a writer in the first place. I remember my mom reading me crazy Bible stories to me before I could read myself. I still have the complete 10 volume set on my book shelf so someday I can pass on the stories to my own children and try to answer their questions about complex Old Testament stories packaged in colorfully illustrated chapters.
Stories and books have been extremely formative in my life. And when look back at the books I’ve read as an adult five have shaped my life more than any other. I honestly would not be the person that I am today had I not read the following five books.
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
I read this book in the midst of the most severe depression I have ever experienced. This book gave me hope in something that couldn’t be explained or defined in words. Somehow I knew my depression would pass and I also knew that my faith would survive my evolution into adulthood.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
One of my debate coaches got me this book for a high school graduation presents. It’s words are among the truest I’ve ever read. Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. And always do your best. I strive to live my life by these agreements, challenging as they may be.
Pastor, I’m Gay by Howard Bess
I read this after a few of my friends came out of the closet. The book is the story about one heterosexual pastor’s journey ministering to men and women who have come out of the closet. I grew up in a church where “ministering” to members of the LGBT community meant transforming them into straight individuals. This book opened my eyes to Jesus’ inclusive love. And it prompted me to seek out a church that is open and affirming for my family to attend.
Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott
Honestly, any book by Anne Lamott could be on this list. But as a writer I would say Bird by Bird shaped me the most. When I find myself discouraged or stumbling I go back to her words. Writing is an art and a gift that I try not to take for granted. No matter how shitty my rough drafts are I keep going. Why? Because Anne Lamott says to.
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned from Editing my Life by Donald Miller
Yes, Donald Miller made the top five twice. What can I say? I heart Donald Miller. This book challenged me to take risks. And those of you who know me know I am not a risk taker. Don’t let the free-spirit attitude and tie-dyes I wear full you. I worry about everything. But in this book Miller encourages us to think about the “what ifs?” What if I took my writing as seriously as I would like other people to? What if I actually finished the book I’m working on? What if I stopped sweating the small stuff? What if I reexamined the American dream to focus on relational capital rather than material worth? What if?
The best books leave you with more questions than answers. All five of these books accomplish that goal. If you want something to inspire, challenge, and motivate you in 2012, check one of these books out.
Books are the reason I wanted to become a writer in the first place. I remember my mom reading me crazy Bible stories to me before I could read myself. I still have the complete 10 volume set on my book shelf so someday I can pass on the stories to my own children and try to answer their questions about complex Old Testament stories packaged in colorfully illustrated chapters.
Stories and books have been extremely formative in my life. And when look back at the books I’ve read as an adult five have shaped my life more than any other. I honestly would not be the person that I am today had I not read the following five books.
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
I read this book in the midst of the most severe depression I have ever experienced. This book gave me hope in something that couldn’t be explained or defined in words. Somehow I knew my depression would pass and I also knew that my faith would survive my evolution into adulthood.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
One of my debate coaches got me this book for a high school graduation presents. It’s words are among the truest I’ve ever read. Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. And always do your best. I strive to live my life by these agreements, challenging as they may be.
Pastor, I’m Gay by Howard Bess
I read this after a few of my friends came out of the closet. The book is the story about one heterosexual pastor’s journey ministering to men and women who have come out of the closet. I grew up in a church where “ministering” to members of the LGBT community meant transforming them into straight individuals. This book opened my eyes to Jesus’ inclusive love. And it prompted me to seek out a church that is open and affirming for my family to attend.
Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott
Honestly, any book by Anne Lamott could be on this list. But as a writer I would say Bird by Bird shaped me the most. When I find myself discouraged or stumbling I go back to her words. Writing is an art and a gift that I try not to take for granted. No matter how shitty my rough drafts are I keep going. Why? Because Anne Lamott says to.
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned from Editing my Life by Donald Miller
Yes, Donald Miller made the top five twice. What can I say? I heart Donald Miller. This book challenged me to take risks. And those of you who know me know I am not a risk taker. Don’t let the free-spirit attitude and tie-dyes I wear full you. I worry about everything. But in this book Miller encourages us to think about the “what ifs?” What if I took my writing as seriously as I would like other people to? What if I actually finished the book I’m working on? What if I stopped sweating the small stuff? What if I reexamined the American dream to focus on relational capital rather than material worth? What if?
The best books leave you with more questions than answers. All five of these books accomplish that goal. If you want something to inspire, challenge, and motivate you in 2012, check one of these books out.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Heart health: A gift that keeps on giving
I don’t usually get into Valentine’s Day but I decided I wanted to make this year special.
Logan and I will have been married exactly nine months on Valentine’s Day and I figure that deserves more than the box of chocolates and cheesy card that I usually get him.
I thought about getting Logan a Kindle Fire, but then realized that gift would be more for me. I took note of the records he’s been looking at on E-bay, but he seemed to have already purchased them. What to do? What to do?
I love to buy and create gifts for people. It’s one of my favorite things to do. But for some occasions a gift just doesn’t seem adequate. What I really want to give Logan for Valentine’s Day is time.
I want us to have time to spend together, not just for a Valentine’s Day date, but for a lifetime. And I know that requires us both to be healthy.
Along with Valentine’s Day and Black History month, February also marks American Heart month. Cardiovascular disease remains the leading cause of death for men and women in this country. Those statistics hit home in our house. Logan’s father and grandfather both died of heart attacks before the age of 50, an age that seems younger and younger the older I get.
I can’t imagine living the second half of my life without Logan. We have big dreams of driving across the country in a Volkswagen bus when we retire. And we plan to be the hippest couple in our retirement village.
I can’t bear the thought of losing Logan to heart disease. We eat healthy and exercise moderately but I know that’s not always enough. And in case I ever forget the daytime shows likes The View are filled with advertisements for cholesterol lowering medications. I guess they want women like me to nag their husbands to go to the doctor.
I have to admit the commercials worked on me. (I’m quite the sucker when it comes to targeted marketing.) When I think about Valentine’s Day, the only thing I really want to get for Logan is an appointment to the doctor to get his numbers checked.
Valentine’s Day reminds me of how much I love my husband. And American Heart Month reminds me how much I don’t want our time together to end too soon.
Logan and I will have been married exactly nine months on Valentine’s Day and I figure that deserves more than the box of chocolates and cheesy card that I usually get him.
I thought about getting Logan a Kindle Fire, but then realized that gift would be more for me. I took note of the records he’s been looking at on E-bay, but he seemed to have already purchased them. What to do? What to do?
I love to buy and create gifts for people. It’s one of my favorite things to do. But for some occasions a gift just doesn’t seem adequate. What I really want to give Logan for Valentine’s Day is time.
I want us to have time to spend together, not just for a Valentine’s Day date, but for a lifetime. And I know that requires us both to be healthy.
Along with Valentine’s Day and Black History month, February also marks American Heart month. Cardiovascular disease remains the leading cause of death for men and women in this country. Those statistics hit home in our house. Logan’s father and grandfather both died of heart attacks before the age of 50, an age that seems younger and younger the older I get.
I can’t imagine living the second half of my life without Logan. We have big dreams of driving across the country in a Volkswagen bus when we retire. And we plan to be the hippest couple in our retirement village.
I can’t bear the thought of losing Logan to heart disease. We eat healthy and exercise moderately but I know that’s not always enough. And in case I ever forget the daytime shows likes The View are filled with advertisements for cholesterol lowering medications. I guess they want women like me to nag their husbands to go to the doctor.
I have to admit the commercials worked on me. (I’m quite the sucker when it comes to targeted marketing.) When I think about Valentine’s Day, the only thing I really want to get for Logan is an appointment to the doctor to get his numbers checked.
Valentine’s Day reminds me of how much I love my husband. And American Heart Month reminds me how much I don’t want our time together to end too soon.
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