Life is short, treasure the moments you have

Sometimes life ends too soon. This year, I saw friend after friend lose someone they loved. And in July, I said goodbye to my friend Cinnamon Smith, yet another beautiful person whose life ended too soon.

The phrase, “the good die young,” seemed rang true more than ever this year.

Last week, my hometown dealt with yet another tragedy. A young mother lost her life at only 23.

I used to search for reasons why such tragedies occur. But I’ve come realize that tragedy often times has no rhyme or reason.

These losses are beyond my comprehension. In the midst of grief, I can never grasp why such good people are taken from us, but I do know that these deaths remind us how fragile and precious life is.

If I’ve learned anything over the last six months, it’s that life is a gift that should not be taken for granted. And that our time on Earth should not be wasted on pettiness, heart ache or regret.

I’ve learned to embrace those who build me up and walk away from those who tear me down. I cherish the time I have with love ones, because I know that time is a gift and not a guarantee.

Things that used to bother me- disappointment, rejections, criticism- seem to roll off my back much easier. In light of so much heartache, I’ve gotten a new perspective on what really matters.

A year ago, I couldn’t imagine the thought of not having a full-time job. I thrived on my busy schedule filled with deadlines and obligations. But today, I see the slower pace of my freelance work as a gift. My open schedule makes me readily available to spend time with family and friends. And I find myself able to be fully present with those I’m with, my mind no longer rushing a million miles an hour. I know my schedule won’t always be this laid back. I’m optimistic that full-time employment will be part of my future, but for now I’m going to enjoy this gift of an open schedule with a grateful heart. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

Arley's totally awesome kitchen tips

Lately I’ve been buying the cheap rice, but last week I splurged on the Asian sticky rice. As the rice soaked up the yummy stir fry juices I remembered why the sticky rice was worth the extra couple dollars. I didn’t know the difference between regular rice and sticky rice until my roommate Esther showed me the error of my rice cooking ways. And when Logan and I started dating I quickly found out he too was a sticky rice convert. Truthfully, Logan’s rice cooker was one the reasons I pursued the relationship with him.

Between my reminiscing about rice and the ridiculous amount of daytime food shows I watch lately, food is on my mind. So, what better to blog about than the five kitchen rules I live by. Here they are:

1. Always, always splurge for sticky rice. As I say, once you go sticky all other rice seems icky. :)

2. Condiments add zest to a meal. It’s always good to have some fancy add-ons at your table for guests to enjoy. I love mayo, but a dish of mayo in the middle of the table doesn’t look quite as sophisticated as a dish of mayo with a little Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce. Mayo and Sriracha has become favorite sauce. I eat it on everything from sandwiches to potato chips. Sometimes I even just eat it on my fingers!

3. It’s good to mix up dishes with different spices. It keeps your taste buds on their toes. If you don’t know what spice to add, go with cumin. It’s one of the most versatile of the spices. Need to give your chili some extra kick? Go for it. Want something extra in that Asian dish? Why not. Are your pancakes tasting a little flat? Okay, so this spice may not work for EVERYTHING, but you get what I mean.

4. Every couple weeks it’s good to prepare a catch-all meal. Last week I made jumbalaya. The meal created the opportunity to throw in the leftover pork loin from the night before and lots of veggies from the garden. “Catch-all” meals are a great way to use up leftovers without making if feel like they are leftovers. Some of my favorite catch-all meals are chili and any kind of stew.

5. Keep a stand by meal in the freezer. Occasionally, I’ll cook extra and freeze the leftovers. This works well for lasagna, chili, ham and beans, Korean barbecue and any kind of soup. I keep these meals on hand for days that I’m busy or just feeling lazy. Let them de-thaw and them pop them in the oven or stove top and wahla! These homemade frozen meals give the illusion that I have it way more together than I actually do.

Living in the grey

This week has been the busiest week I’ve had since I became an unemployed/freelance writer/pseudo tie-dye artist.

Logan and I are joining the church that we’ve been going to for the past year and I’m working on a piece about my time in Mission Year to submit to Seeds of Service, (http://seeds-of-service.blogspot.com). Needless to say, the week has been full of reflection.

Seeds of Service is collecting essays for a book about volunteer service in the United States. For my submission, I had to write about how my experience continues to shape my life. I spent 11 months in West Philly for Mission Year. It’s hard to summarize how my time in West Philly impacted me because the experience shaped me in such a profound way.

Getting out of my comfort zone, out of my bubble, taught me about compassion, love, grace, social justice and community. But if I had to summarize what I took away from Mission Year in one word, it would be grey.

Mission Year taught me how to “live in the grey.” Mission Year showed me how to dive into the tension that comes when we witness situations where there are no clearly identified heroes or villains. And where the lines between wrong and right are fine, and hard to recognize. I came to Philadelphia as 20-year-old evangelical who was confident she knew how the world should be.

But when confronted with the realities of how the world is, I realized there was lot more grey than my world view at the time had led me to believe. I quickly recognized that I didn’t have things all figured out and found joy and comfort in the reality that I didn’t have to.

Living in the grey, continues to shape me life. On personal level, living in the grey means pursing the truth as a journey, not a destination. On a professional level, living in the grey has made me a better journalist because I explore the different angles of a story to get beyond the surface. On a political level, living in the grey forces me to look at the issues not just from the perspective of a middle class WASP, but also from the prospective of the marginalized. And on prophetic level (what can I say I love alliteration. It’s the real reason I changed my name), living in the grey enables me to take joy in the subtle glimpses of the divine that I see on a daily basis- a hug from a toddler, a hand written letter of encouragement, or time to reflect during a long bike ride.

Living in the grey has freed from the need to be right and enabled me to be more relational. For that, my 11-months at Mission Year are invaluable.

Baby tye-dies

Since I seem to like making a mess far more than cleaning, tie dying has become one of my favorite hobbies. I love to make tie dyes for family and friends. And baby tie dyes are my favorite. They are just so little and cute. The bright swirls of color on an itty-bitty onesie make even the biggest cynic say, ahhh.

I get lots of compliments on the tie dyes I make so I thought why not share the love. My tye dyes will now be available in Lawrence at Doodlebugs, 816 Mass. I can also make custom orders. If you want to provide a hippster look for a special baby in your life let me know. :)

Living life live

I love fall. Love, love, love fall. I feel like I can’t say it enough.
The last two weekends have been filled with my favorite things- live music, college football and people I love.

Logan and I headed to Colorado for Labor Day weekend to see a couple of Phish shows. And last weekend we saw KU pull off what could be their second and last win of the season. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a third win, but I’m not holding my breath.)

There is something spectacular about live events. And fall is the perfect time for these outdoor festivities. When you are at a game or a show it’s more than just a series of plays or melodies. The events become a collection of shared moments that you experience in a specific time and a specific place with specific people.

As an extrovert, I thrive on the energy from crowds at concerts and football games. But more importantly these occasions remind me of the importance of living in the moment. I’m a firm believer that life is best lived live.

A few days ago I heard Garth Brook’s “The River” on the radio. (I realize Garth Brooks is quite the contrast from Phish, but what can I say, I have an eclectic taste.) I saw Garth Brooks in Kansas City in 2007 and when he sang “The River” I got goose bumps. That song is one of my most memorable concert moments.

In 2007, Iayoffs were looming and I was applying for jobs. I wondered if I would stay in the Kansas City area or even in the journalism field. As I searched for purpose in my career and life, Garth Brook’s words struck me to the core.

“You know a dream is like a river
Ever changing as it flows
And the dreamer's just the vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores.”

These days I’m doing my best to stay between the shores. The ever-looming layoff has came to pass and even though I’m slightly more stable (having a husband and a house) I still don’t know what my future holds. I know that I will continue to be a dreamer. But for now my focus is less on what I’m going to do, and more on simply being in the moment. This weekend I’ll be enjoying the moment at Winfield and encourage any blue grass fans come along.

Begging for crumbs

I have had a rough week. One of those weeks where I try to be positive, perhaps even overly positive, and then by the end of the day I end up crashing.

So, tonight my tearfest happened on the staircase. I was heading up stairs and looked down at Gunther laying at the bottom of the stairs so peacefully and I just burst into tears. I have the kind of mind that often floods with thoughts. A beautiful mind if you will (although not quite schizophrenic beautiful like the movie A Beautiful Mind). At any given moment it’s hard to tell what thought might have caused an emotional reaction when there are so many thoughts running through my head.

I decided to sit down on the steps to take a moment. As I continued to look at Gunther, my eyeless diabetic dog who literally blindly follows me around the house all day, I thought of Jesus’ parable of the Canaanite Woman. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2015:21-28&version=NIV)

I’m no theologian, and fully appreciate those who are. To me, as a lay person, I view the Bible as beautiful collection of stories whose meanings and depth continue to change as I grow and evolve. I have taken many different perspectives on this passage throughout my life.

To summarize the scripture for those of you who don’t want to read through the link provided above, a gentile woman begs Jesus to save her from her affliction. Jesus refuses and refuses eventually saying, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

Jesus refers to her as a dog because she is not an Israeli.
The woman replies, “Yes it is, Lord. Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

Upon hearing her witty response Jesus says, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.”

The story goes on to say that Jesus healed the woman of her affliction. Odd story, with a happy ending.

When I read this story as a teenager I thought it made Jesus seem like a huge prick. I mean seriously he called the woman a dog. He made her “beg.” Really Jesus? This doesn’t sound like the peaceful sheep herding Jesus we see in pictures. And it’s certainly not the “8 pound, 6 ounce, new born infant Jesus.”

I just don’t like to think of Jesus degrading anyone, so this parable always bothered me. I mean he called her a dog.

In my early 20s I found a deepened spiritual intimacy and my view of the passage changed. Instead of looking at Jesus’ comments to the woman, I started to focus on her comments to him. I started to focus on her faith and it became beautiful.

Here is this woman full of affliction, desperate for help, looking to a God who she sees as magnificent enough to view his crumbs and miraculous. In my early 20s I thought to myself, yes that’s the kind God I serve. One whose crumbs are enough to sustain me.

My mid- to-late 20s brought on some more challenging times and to be honest I haven’t thought about that passage in quite awhile.

Tonight as I sat crying on my steps, I felt overwhelmed. Here I am looking for work, trying to overcome the learning curve of married life, and desperately missing the steady flow of stories I used to write.

I stopped crying long enough to look at Gunther, my terror of a Jack Russell. Everyone knows Gunther and I have had our ups and downs. I came into his life about three years ago as Logan’s new girl friend and have now transitioned into his “mommy.”

As much as I view Gunther as a tremendous pain in the ass, I really love that little pup. I love him unconditionally with little expectations. (We expect him to go to the bathroom outside and limit his biting to just Logan and me.)

As I a looked at Gunther and thought of the parable of the Canaanite woman, I couldn’t help but wonder if God views me in the same way that I view Gunther- as a pain in the ass who She loves unconditionally regardless of my accomplishments. I’d like to think She does.

And when I feel down about my trials, those that are trivial and those that are not, it’s good to look around and identify the crumbs that God has left for me. It’s good count my blessings and know that regardless of my circumstances, life is good.

Gold vs. Old

A couple weeks ago I went in search of some garage sales, as I do most Saturdays. Logan constantly tells me to keep my eyes out for items that I can sell on eBay. I can really make a profit on my hobby if I try, he tells me.

When I saw a couple Care Bears at a garage sale in West Lawrence I thought I had the jack pot. Surely, I could get around 30 bucks off of the big one I though and maybe $10-12 off of the little one. I purchased two Care Bears for $1.50 and got home to find they are apparently worth just that. The highest going out-of-the-box Care Bear I could find on eBay sold for only a couple bucks. I did end up going back to that same garage sale later that morning after I told Logan they had several video games there. He dug a little more than I did and found an entire collection of Grateful Dead albums. This is the kind of stuff you could really sell on eBay, we however are keeping them for our own personal collection even though we do not have a record player.

This whole incident inspired me to write a new blog segment called Gold versus Old. It’s my version of “Hot or Not.” Some things really are worth gold, while others are just simply old.

Gold: Original Grateful Dead albums. The albums Logan snagged at that garage sale are priceless, or around $30 a piece on eBay if you are going to put a price on them. But to us they are historical memorabilia that we hope to pass down to the next generation.

Old: Care Bears. Who knew? To me these stuffed animals will always be valuable. But apparently they aren’t to the general public. Logan also told me a lot of parents don’t like buying used toys for their kids because of the germs. That comment set me off on a pro-germ soap box. How are kids going to develop a strong immune system if they aren’t exposed to germs.

Gold: Environmentally friendly cleaning products. I’m trying to go green when it comes to cleaning, if for no other reason than the scent of Clorox with bleach makes me want to vomit. Clorox now has a non-bleach, green all-purpose cleaner that I have been using for my counters. And I am a firm believer in using water and vinegar on wood floors, although you might not think so judging by how little I actually clean mine.

Old: Sexist salesmen. Speaking of environmentally friendly cleaning products, I had a door-to-door salesman come by the other day with some concentrated orange all-purpose cleaner. The cleaner could be used on floors, windows, class, counters and even cars. I was sold on the product until he made some wise crack about a woman’s place being in the home. This was a direct sale fail. Don’t let the yoga pants, pony tail and wedding ring fool you buddy, being a stay-at-home wife is not my career.

Gold: States that promote equality by allowing same-sex marriage.

Old: DOMA

Gold: The fall. With cooler weather, seasonal amber ales and football, how can you not love the fall?

Old: Summer. So long 115 degree days.